“You tell ol' rich Mr. Chocolate Man that he ain't closing ME down!”

I never really understood people who claimed that others have tried to “keep them down.” Previously it was a concept that sounded so vague and weak that I judged those who used the term a little. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was quietly judging. I, like others, am quick to “blame the victim.” I have little tolerance for those who appear to take an easy way out, use excuses, etc. I realize this makes me sound incredibly harsh (and I know I can be), but I am all about empowerment. I admire and respect people who carve a way for themselves. I think part of the reason I look up to those who appear to problem solve their way out of things is because I want so desperately to be one of those people. I want to be the person who has $20 left in her pocket, living out of her car and then is FORCED through such dire circumstances to invent the next Pinterest or Snuggie (come on, you know you kind of want one). Well, ok I don’t WANT to have just $20 and live out of my car, but I want to succeed so badly. I really do, and I, over the years, have come to feel like no matter what I do I just can’t seem to make it happen. The pieces don’t come together. Lately I am LIVING the phrase I have abhorred. I understand the concept! And boy is it a sour realization. There ARE apparently, always going to be people who do not want you to succeed for whatever the reasons. I have actually been so naïve as to think we are all sort of rooting for each other. There’s enough to go around, right?! Happiness and success and money and love for EVERYONE!! Well apparently not so much. Everyone is so fearful and insecure that they just want to cover themselves. Some people are SO QUICK to be defensive or negative, and I just do not understand why! Aren’t we all here for the same purpose? For god’s sake especially in my field! Education! Isn’t our ultimate goal to do what is best and right for those around us?

Betrayal was not something I was terribly familiar with, and then I experienced an unbearable betrayal from someone I truly respected and thought was a friend and mentor. After that I am wiser and see so many things differently. It takes a lot of courage to keep going strong. It takes a lot of strength to remain positive and driven. It’s not just those that have stars in their eyes- actors and musicians that need to keep dreaming, chugging along, hoping against hope. In this climate, if you have a dream- even if it’s just a dream to have a secure, rewarding job helping people in the field of education (you know, or whatever), you must keep dreaming and doing and trying.

SO! I will continue to keep my chin up, head high and to deal with everyone with grace and class, as my mother taught me to. I may be a bit of a Pollyanna but I will continue to hope for the best and despite some experiences expect the best from those around me.

All this being said, let’s talk about ‘made with love’- making or doing something out of love for YOURSELF! So whatever that is, do it. Occasionally I will make myself tea, lay out some cookies, and sit on my favorite chair in the early morning and read a book. It is such a delightful experience that I do not do often enough. Most of the time I wake up and read Facebook and Twitter posts in a horizontal position until I have to scramble and rush to get ready because I wasted so much time on mindless, unfulfilling nonsense. I vow to meditate by reading my book alone with my tea 2 times a week.

I encourage everyone to consider self-care to promote self-love… do something nice for yourself that you may otherwise wouldn’t do. Be it eating a cupcake, buying a magazine, getting your nails painted, watching a sports game start to finish with a drink in hand… whatever it is, make time for yourself. At the end of the day, despite having people who love and cherish you (and luckily everyone has a little of that), you must look after you. I am learning it the very, very hard way, but it is important to learn- not to be cold or cynical, but to be wiser and also healthier. I will continue to expect from others what I expect from myself, but when it doesn’t come together and I do not receive the support I crave and need, I will be sure to treat myself nicely and with a LOT of love.